Friday, June 20, 2014

Home is where the heart is... but where's that?

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I just have to get this out of my head. I can't stand it. Earlier today I drove The March Hare out to the Valley of Death or so I call it, (a 3 hour round trip) to meet The Mother Oyster so she can have him for a visit for a few days. On my way home I was streaming my "Country Strong" station on Pandora and they actually played a Country Strong song, which is crazy because Pandora never play's anything from the artist the station is based on. In fact the usually play everything but that artist. Anyway that some "Coming Home" (the video is below if you've never heard it, it's from the movie Country Strong starring Gwenth Paltrow) and I started thinking about what I was writing yesterday.

See I was updating My Story, yesterday, if you've never read it, I suggest now is a good time. Anyway I was adding to the story with where I am in life now and it goes right along with where is home for me.

In her song she talks about the actual home that your memories go back to that you grew up in as a child. Which got me thinking about this past year. Some of you know we had moved into the house I grew up in and had intended on buying it. But it turned out to be a disaster and we have since moved out of the house and out of the town all together.

I thought moving into my childhood home would bring all the broken pieces back together. That is after all the place I always ended up so many times when life was falling apart. But it made things worse, a lot worse. I watched my parents split up after 30+ years of marriage, realized how much I hate my father for being so selfish, how my brother is just following right along in his footsteps and some traits I'm not to fond of in my mother. My mom has been my saving grace for years and now she's losing it and I'm just not strong enough to deal with her issues and mine. After typing that I feel bad.

My childhood wasn't terrible by any means, but as I got older my father drifted farther from the family to pursue his own hobbies and we got left behind. My mom was a mess trying to raise two kids with good morals, while trying to combat my dad's bad habits. I was stubborn and got myself knocked up at 17. That's when the ups and downs started.

Being in that house for 10 months with my mom, brother, husband and kids; all trying to peacefully cohabitate together was hell. It was still my mom's house despite us paying the rent. I felt like I had to walk on egg shell to keep her happy, constantly trying to reassure my husband it would be over soon and barely could be a decent mother because I was always having a mental break down.

Life had caught up with me and now I had no where to run. The house and people I always look at as home were now broken and I was caught inside. They say home is where the heart is... today I had an epiphany and yes Sarah I'm enjoying it. My home is in my heart. It's all the good things I fill my heart up with that keep me going. Not a physical house, not people or things. Although there are people and things in my life right now contributing to my heart being happy, like my husband and children; the true source is God, he's the only one that can't let me down and will ALWAYS be there.

So today I thankful for God. You might notice if you follow me on Facebook that everyday (or at least I try) I acknowledge what I'm thankful for that day. I do this so I never let my heart forget what it has to be grateful for. So I never lose track of where my home is.

Thanks for sharing another adventure with me!
Stay safe, stay sane and stay absolutely splendid!

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1 comment:

  1. Aaaawwwww! I loved this. It takes a lot of nerve to admit when we are overwhelmed and need to reevaluate our situation. Yay you!