Monday, June 3, 2013

The fight to keep this love strong.

Monday - 6.3.2013

Frustrated, overwhelmed, unappreciated and stressed. As I sit in the tub with tears in my eyes I hate these feelings that swell up inside. My soul is in upheaval and I'm not sure how to calm it. As good as my life is and as much as I try to keep these good aspects in the forefront of my mind, somehow the bad and negative surround me.

My husband is my best friend, I know lots of people say that but there is no one in this world I would rather be married too. Next to my mom no one else has ever done so much for me and I deeply appreciate it. There are so many things I love about him, his loyalty,  his quickness to get things taken care of, his devotion to providing for his family and even his appreciation for a drink or two. But I feel like shortly after our first year of marriage we started drifting.

Now I feel like roommates that sleep in the same bed, living out an agreement to take care of kids and home. Where did the passion go? Having a baby has only made the situation more complicated and I find myself asking this question everyday. How do we get it back? We talk til we are blue in the face discussing the fact that the joy is slipping away, but both come to the same conclusion... what now?

We have both over come so many challenges in life and I have no doubt we will find an answer. We have too because the frustration is at the boiling point and at any moment there will be an implosion or complete evaporation. We hardly ever fight but with the tension constantly building between us, I can see its inevitable that we will start. I don't want to just be comfortable going through the motions, I want to feel "it" again, I'm not even sure what "it" is, but when I feel it again, I'll know. I'll bottle it and keep it in a jar next to my bed so whenever it starts to fade slightly again I can just open the jar and be filled with it again.

Why isn't staying in love as easy as falling into it? I'm not saying I've fallen out of love, no I very much still am, I just feel the beginning of the slip. We both know the most important part of keeping this family together and strong is having a solid spiritual focus and that is our determination.

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  1. I totally see where you are coming from, we're having the same problems every once in a while, when we're just too tired and worn out to be lovers and partners, when we just want to be by ourselves and wedge, trying to muster the energy for the next day. Something that helped us is really setting time aside and sticking to it, no excuses, unless it's an emergency. We're having a weekly date-night in now, rent a movie, get some special dessert or snack, and just spend time together. If you have people available to take care of the kids, get out together (we barely ever have that). Once you've scheduled for a while and made spending time together as a couple a habit again, things will start to improve! Much strength to you!

  2. Hi there, I've been married for 1 year and 2 months. This is the 2nd marriage for both of us. Our marriage is worth fighting for. I knew that everyday wouldn't be peaches and cream. We work different shifts, going a few days before we see each other. I agree that having date nights at home help. Be realistic about your marriage and what you want from it. I pray that you guys find what you need.